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Author: Nilofa Kabir

             Life Coach                     

Why do I need Counselling?

Phrases like,

"I am fine"

"I am strong enough to handle this situation"

"This shall pass too"

"I have my family and friends beside me"

"I am not that weak"

"I am not going crazy"

Have you ever wondered how many emotions lie behind the sentence "I AM FINE"? Leave about others, we ourselves do not understand how much we are holding behind our smile. Did you ever hold up your physical health till the time you are on the verge of going to death bed? Then why do we do the same with our mental health?

We all grew up not treating the mind as an important part of our body. For us, the mind is only to represent intelligence. And people dealing with mental health issues, are always been treated as insane. Nothing can justify the indifferent treatment that our emotional health gets, even in an educated society. Counselling is not for Crazy people, it never was. Counselling is for anyone and everyone, who may be bothered by a short term or, temporary phase like any other physical troubles. It's really sad to see, that the amount of importance a broken finger gets, comparison to a broken heart.

Till the time, we do not understand the importance of our own emotional wellbeing, and we start taking good care of it, we won't be able to change the stereotype around it.

Which are the areas counselling can help with?

Even if we take one step ahead, and at any point in time realize that counselling is not for insane people, still few questions always bothers us about the usability of it. Like:

Is counselling capable to help people dealing with difficult childhood problems? Which is still bothering?

Is it good enough to handle our fear of losing someone special or the disgusting feeling after a breakup?

Can this help me deal with the kind of harassment I face every day in my workplace?

Is it helpful for the kind of mental situation I am in, after my childbirth?

I don't know, what is wrong with me, but I always have this fear of talking to a group of people. How can counselling help me, when I myself don't know the problem I have?

While the number of questions can be many, but the answer is very simple and one, that is "YES"

Counselling has the power to bring out the strength in you, look at the issues, from a different perspective, which in a way helps you to deal with the problems, you are struggling with.

Counselling is a talk therapy, where the counsellor is not there to advise or guide you with your problems. The counsellor gives you a platform to express your feelings, freely, without being judged, or being afraid of anyone. You can share whatever you intend to in a safe and confidential environment. The whole idea of counselling is to empower you through rationalizing of thoughts and feelings. The counsellor will provide you a safe place to share your feelings and thoughts in a confidential way. And after intently listening to your problems, he/she will help you discover your own coping mechanism and identify a plan of action to deal with your problems. Counselling empowers in a way, that you can help yourself deal with your issues, even after the sessions are over.

It is true, that talking to a friend or family is always therapeutic. But when we have a fear of being judged or have the feeling that sharing with your known people might embarrass you in the future, or they might not understand what you are going through. Then what is the point of struggling alone?

Even if you are able to share your feeling with your near ones, sometimes their suggestions or advice might not help you get over it, or even your feeling might be misunderstood or not understood at all. That time, the only feeling which works as an add on to our problem is "NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME". And these makes you even more prone to disturbed emotional health.

Counselling provides expert support in a safe space for you to share your concerns,  that employs therapeutic techniques and aids that help you heal from past hurts, overcome difficult thought patterns, give you a fresh perspective and empower you into a better self with preparedness to face future challenges.

If you want to understand where did a thought, action, emotion originates, then counselling helps to put the pieces of your life puzzle together.

Counselling sessions are a great tool to enhance "SELF AWARENESS". When you understand yourself better, you make better decisions, get to know your trigger points, learn to handle the tough situations. Identify opportunities to improve and navigate through life. It can help to turn a challenging life situation/transition into a period of growth and change.

So the bottom line is ANYONE may need counselling at any point in their life. We don't have to be crazy enough to need it.  It's your life, and you have all the rights to take care of your emotional wellbeing.

Author: Adyasha Mohanti

             Counselling Psychologist

As we are witnessing the global pandemic Covid19, it is difficult to stay calm and sane. All of a sudden there is no division of caste, creed, culture, ethnicity,  race, religion, etc and the only struggle is survival of the fittest as rightly pointed out by the famous Evolution theorist Charles Darwin. The world follows strict order to maintain quarantine, but is home the safest place to be under lockdown? Women are victims of domestic violence which are making their lives more miserable accompanied by the fear and apprehension related to Covid-19. Being confined to home because of coronavirus is difficult for everyone, but it becomes a real nightmare for female victims of "gender-based violence”.

Violence against Women Throughout the Life Cycle

Phase -Type of violence

Pre-birth -Sex-selective abortion; effects of battering during pregnancy on birth outcomes.

Infancy -Female infanticide; physical, sexual, and psychological abuse.

Girlhood -Child marriage; female genital mutilation; physical, sexual, and psychological abuse; incest; child prostitution, and pornography.

Adolescence- Dating and courtship violence (e.g. acid throwing and date rape)

Adulthood- economically coerced sex (e.g. school girls having sex with “sugar daddies” in return for school fees); incest; sexual abuse in the workplace; rape; sexual harassment; forced prostitution and pornography; trafficking in women; partner violence; marital rape; dowry abuse and murders; partner homicide; psychological abuse; abuse of women with disabilities; forced pregnancy.

 Elderly- Forced “suicide” or homicide of widows for economic reasons; sexual, physical, and psychological abuse. ( WHO,1997).

What does Quarantine mean?

In the 11^th century Tajik physician Ibn Sina (Avicenna) was the first to use the 40-sanitary isolation “al-Arba-iniya “ ( the fortieth) to prevent the spread of disease. Venetian merchants adapted this “Quarantina” which later became popular in all over Europe.

Governments use quarantines to stop the spread of contagious diseases. Quarantines are for people or groups who don’t have symptoms but were exposed to the sickness. A quarantine keeps them away from others so they don’t unknowingly infect anyone.

Quarantines may be used during:

•          Outbreaks: When there’s a sudden rise in the number of cases of a disease.
•          Epidemics: Similar to outbreaks, but generally considered larger and more widespread.
•          Pandemics: Larger than epidemics, generally global in nature and affect more people.

Domestic violence in the time of Quarantine

Ever since the Covid19 outbreak majority of the countries have asked their citizens to isolate or quarantine themselves who may or may not have potentially come in contact with the infection. This quarantine has accelerated the risks as well. As the coronavirus continues to spread worldwide and governments preparedness with social control measures continues, but victims of domestic violence most often women, are witnessing dual-threat i.e. virus both inside and outside the house. Due to the global lockdown and zero mobility, vulnerable women are trapped with their abusers 24*7, which is a terrifying fact for the victim of violence.

Domestic violence is a serious and challenging public health problem. Approximately 1 in 3 women and 1 in 10 men 18 years of age or older experience domestic violence. Annually, domestic violence is responsible for over 1500 deaths in the United States.(Wahi et.al 2019,Jiang et.al 2018, Harland et.al 2018).

Due to underreporting and difficulty sampling, obtaining accurate incidence information on elder abuse and neglect is difficult. Elderly abuse is thought to occur in 3% to 10% of the population of elders. Elderly patients may not report due to fear, guilt, ignorance, or shame. Clinicians underreport elder abuse due to poor recognition of the problem, lack of understanding reporting methods and requirements, and concerns about physician-patient confidentiality.

Psychological consequences of Quarantine

Research relating to the psychological impact of quarantine using three electronic databases suggests that studies reported negative psychological effects including post-traumatic stress symptoms, confusion, and anger. Stressors included longer quarantine duration, fear of infected, frustration, boredom, inadequate supplies of basic amenities, inadequate information, financial loss, and stigma. Some researchers have suggested long-lasting effects. Even if quarantine is the need of the hour, the government officials should quarantine individuals not more than required, give proper information that individuals are seeking and make sure that the supplies are provided as per requirement.

During major infectious disease outbreaks, quarantine can be a necessary preventive measure. But longer the duration for troublesome and negative are the psychological consequences. Because psychological violence is harder to capture in quantitative studies, a full picture of the deeper and more insidious levels of violence defies quantification. Survivors and victims' report that the continuous psychological violence of emotional torture and trauma is way more painful and devastating than physical brutality. With mental stress leading to a high incidence of suicide and suicide attempts, a close correlation between domestic violence and suicide has been established.

Other debilitating psychological consequences may include:

•          Anxiety ( Constant feelings of worry, fear, and apprehension which are strong enough to interfere with one’s daily activities, may include Panic attack, Phobias, OCD {Obsessive Compulsive Disorder}, PTSD{Post Traumatic Stress Disorder}).
•          Depression ( Persistent sadness and gloomy mood or loss of interest in activities causing significant impairment in daily life).
•          Somatoform Disorder ( A mental condition that has a physical manifestation of symptoms like illness or injury but cannot be fully explained by any underlying medical or neurologic conditions).
•          Distress (negative stress).

How to Combat Domestic Violence During Quarantine

•          Availing Counseling service :

 Every person has the right to live with dignity. With the universal lockdown counseling psychologist and therapist are extending their helping hand for free. They are accessible 24*7, globally. The best feeling is to open up and to be heard. Comforting words, empathy, and warmth by counselors may help women fight the battle knowing that they are not alone. It is also important to keep information about violence against women hotlines, social workers, child protection, or the nearest police station, shelters, or support services that are accessible.

•          Creating Weapon-Free Zones:

Family members living with an abusive individual can proactively restrict access to weapons. It is important to keep aside all possible violent objects out of the reach of the abuser.

•          Preparedness:

Victims can request an abuser take a walk outside to divert their mind. Sometimes taking a break on a balcony or even in a locked vehicle is an option, as long as victims remember to take their phone and immediate necessities. They should also be well equipped in case they need to move quickly to create distance to avoid abuse.

•          The Defense of Distraction:

Every relationship might not be a violent one but many arguments can be defused through distraction. Partners in volatile relationships stuck at home together can strategize activities, share efforts and divide responsibilities, watch TV, or even cook special meals which might help divert negative attention. It is also important to seek help from people in the neighborhood when things go out of control. Abusers usually a better behaved in front of outsiders.

•          Self Care :

Women must try to maintain daily routines and make time for physical activity and sleep. Using relaxation techniques like yoga, meditation, progressive muscle relaxation to relieve stressful thoughts and feelings.  Engaging in activities that in the past have helped with managing adversity like reading a book, drawing or painting, fulfilling hobbies, sorting out closets, watching albums, talking to loved ones, etc.

For the rest of us, we can make sure to check with people within our own social circle particularly those who are vulnerable, to provide support and guidance in a time of need. Collective efforts to support each other will improve our ability to ensure friends and loved ones to sail through the toughest times the most important aspect of being staying home, staying safe and healthy.

 Author: Dipanwita Sil

               Psychologist

Coronavirus has affected all aspects of our lives and the constant news about the pandemic can feel never-ending. Not only is it impacting our physical health but it is taking its toll on some people's mental health too. Staying at home, social distancing, and self-isolating is crucial in stopping the spread of COVID-19, but they can affect us psychologically.

Not only is the threat of a new virus scary, but many people are also facing stressful life challenges. Lots of people who were working in pubs and restaurants or who are self-employed have lost jobs or had their incomes cut. Social distancing and self-isolating mean avoiding seeing friends and family and many people are worried about vulnerable loved ones.

In addition, it can be hard to escape the constant barrage of bad news in the media too, which can add to feelings of stress and despair.

Having said that, experiencing a very low or very high level of anxiety both can turn out to be harmful. People with no/ low anxiety may remain unaffected by the real scenario of COVID 19. On the other hand, the feeling of high anxiety may create hindrances and cause lapses in the activity of daily living which may lead to depression, insomnia, panic attacks, and other medical health conditions. So, it is important to note whether one’s anxiety level is within normal limits or going out of control.

Some measures can be taken as a coping strategy during lockdown for those who are experiencing mild anxiety-

Overwhelming oneself with too much information may hamper well being: Updating oneself about the current situation has become the need of the hour, but information overload may lead to fear, stress, and anxiety which may affect overall mental health. As social media and news channels are flooded with updates about pandemics, the right way to deal with it would be to screen out information logically and check the source of the news. Some social media news is often fake, one needs to be careful about being misled which may further affect mental health.

Activity Scheduling: It is evident that everyone’s regular routine has been disrupted temporarily, so daily schedules can be modified in a way that shapes our lifestyles positively. Activities may include daily chores, maintaining self- hygiene along with those who have planned work from home, where most of the time can be managed.

Practice self-care: It's easy to slip into the habit of sleeping late, spending all day in your nightclothes, and eating junk food, but looking after yourself is essential for your mental health. Even simple tasks such as washing your face can feel difficult sometimes, but they can make a big difference to the way you feel. Healthy eating, fixed bedtime, lot of hydration are the key to self-care. On the other hand, stress anxiety can be kept away by practicing yoga, meditation and it also helps to keep oneself mentally sound.

Stay connected: We are social animals, our need for social contact cannot be discarded as we all are going through a period of social isolation. The best way would be to remain connected with your loved ones through telephonic conversations, WhatsApp audio or video chats, skype calls, etc.

Reframing your thoughts: In the current situation, it is obvious that one can generate negative thoughts and feel stressed. So individuals can try to reframe those thoughts by trying to remain calm first, then trying to identify the situation and further analyzing whether the thought or emotional consequence is appropriate to the situation or not. Further, they can think of alternative ways of adapting

Look for errors in your thoughts: There is a need to keep a check on what every individual thinks and to be aware of whether they are being rational or irrational in their thoughts. At times, humans may be prone to magnifying things or drawing conclusions based on a single piece of evidence about their current situation. Such cognitive errors can create negative patterns of thoughts and further increase anxiety.

Rediscover your inner talents and hobbies: As everyone’s constantly busy lives have been suddenly disrupted and have slowed down, this can be considered a window of opportunity to explore one’s innate capabilities or talents such as- dance, music, drawing, crafts, cooking, etc. One bookworm can revise his/her wish list of books and start reading their favorite books during this time.

Family time - a positive side of lockdown: Prior to lockdown, when life was running at a fast pace, time constraints for the family interaction were obvious. So one may look at this lockdown more positively and think of this time as an opportunity where it allows us to explore each other’s likes, dislikes; Parents, and children engaging in activities likable to both and so on. This lockdown allowed people to come closer to one another and spend more quality time with family.